Mind Over Matter- Understand Self Love v/s Selfish With Beniasha Kharas Dongre

By      15-Sep 2020       Reading Time: 13 Mins

Mind Over Matter- Understand Self Love v/s Selfish With Beniasha Kharas Dongre

As a part of our Nmami Life wellness series, we assure you to bring the best of health & wellness experts to help you gain the maximum wellness. Our sole motto is to bridge the gap of awareness when it comes to your health & wellbeing.

Guest of the week: Benaisha Kharas Dongre

“You make an impression when you have created a brand of yourself and the best way to create this brand is with your image.”

Benaisha Kharas is an Image Enhancer, Inspirational Speaker, and Fashion Style Expert.

She is passionate about helping her clients project an influential, charismatic, and stylish image in their personal and professional lives. She is the absolute expert in the art and science of personal style and image management. Infact, she is the“go to Image Builder” for women, young adults, corporates, and fashion houses. At IMPA (Image Management Professionals Association), Benaisha is the only youngest Senior Image consultant to facilitate expert classes across India. Fashion Magnet Anita Dongre highly endorses Benaisha’s expertise and has got her entire sales staff sell fashion and luxury, ‘The Benaisha Way’.

She is India’s youngest internationally certified Image Consultant since 2012, Benaisha has inspired and trained more than 2000 people to be Style, Image, and Fashion Conscious.

She has provided personal consulting to more than 250 HNI clients to present themselves with more poise and polish. Being dyslexic, yet incredibly popular in the media; Benaisha does not let her obstacles come in the way of her dreams. At the tender age of 10 when her teachers told her to go to special school, she chose to become her own hero and fight for her dreams. She graduated with double majors in sociology and entrepreneurship. After receiving a standing ovation for her TedxTalk, she again inspired thousands at ‘Kaggaz’, a forum for the youth and shared her vision of India’s Young Image. Education Times invited Benaisha to speak and motivate their audience on image and career. Gulf Times has appreciated her work done with Qatar Airways and Indian Women’s Association of Doha. Benaisha also made her presence felt on India’s first image management TV show ‘Image Banani Hein’ on Zoom TV. Benaisha helps her clients on color, style, wardrobe editing, personal shopping and dressing for those tricky events like weddings, interviews and dating. She also advises fashion houses on creating delightful customer experiences, artistically sell fashion and luxury, and effortlessly convert walk-ins into shoppers. Corporate Clients like BMW, Qatar Airways, Deloitte, Jeena & Co, and many more count on Benaisha for transforming their executives to be their Brand Ambassadors with strong communication, personal image and influence skills. She is deeply interested in working with differently abled children to inspire them to lead meaningful lives. She has also helped children who suffer from attention deficit disorder, hyperactivity, and down syndrome to regain their confidence and enhance their self-image. 

Benaisha, an avid lover of books, travel, and fashion; lives in Mumbai India. 

Excerpts from the Session

You can also watch the entire session video here:


But, for those who like to read or keep a note of the expert’s opinion, we bring the entire excerpt of the session so that you don’t miss out on anything. Here are the points that were covered in the live session:

A lot of us have heard this term “self-love.” But do you ever wonder what the exact meaning of this term is? A lot of people think that self-love mean being selfish or self-love means being narcissist.  But let us take you deep in the exact meaning of the self-love and how it is different from being selfish and ways to yourself more. 

What true self love is?

  • Self-love is open and honest. It is something with which you have a relationship, communication and a true sense of love with your own self.
  • It is the ultimate commitment to getting to know and accept yourself as you truly are. To fully experience life as it happens to you. You are you and you have got to love you completely in its original format.
  • To continually seek ways to physically, psychologically and spiritually grow from all of these experiences.
  • True love is giving yourself unconditional respect, appreciation and evaluation of being great.
  • It’s reminding yourself that you deserve to have all your personal needs met while considering yourself as worthy, valuable and deserving of happiness.
  • It’s fully knowing- no matter what you do or neglect to do, right or wrong- that you will always love yourself and be true to who you are- no matter what.

What self-love is not?

  • Self-love is not that desperate need to be better or more deserving than others.
  • It is not being selfish or vain. It is not conditional on certain desired outcomes. And it’s not the exaggerated sense of importance that stems from classic narcissism.  
  • Self-love is when love yourself to an unconditional point and you accept and respect the bad qualities about you and thereafter you make a conscious attempt to better yourself whereas being selfish is hoarding onto certain emotions, keeping people to themselves, rejecting their shortcomings. Being selfish is a defensive mechanism. Self-love is accepting yourself in all body shapes, sizes, colours, race or in any format. Self-love is fulfilling and its fulfilled by itself. You don’t need anything from others or anyone around you.

Why is it important to love yourself?

  • You simply cannot take care of others until you take care of yourself first.
  • When you truly, unconditionally love yourself, you can move through the world with a deeper compassion for others, with a deep sense of joy and pleasure within the act of giving.
  • Self-love is, therefore, your fuel and foundation.
  • You will have greater resilience to withstand any challenging life event or personal adversity.
  • Depression, anxiety, stress and the obsession with perfection will vanish in the face of pure optimism that self-love creates.
  • You will always know that this moment shall pass and say, ‘I am okay because I will treat myself fairly no matter the situation.’

5 self-love techniques

  • Mind your inner voice- the mind is always operating from a place of duality, so to feel inferior or superior is normal. Become aware and conscious of how you treat yourself in your own mind. Pay attention to your self-talk and how it makes you feel. Discard the demeaning thoughts and direct your mind and actions to positive behaviours.
  • Clear your mind- Observe and understand your current beliefs and values and the real motivations behind them (make sure you don’t carry other people’s beliefs and values). If your beliefs and values are not serving your highest good, question why you are holding onto them.
  • Invest much time in good self-care- nourish yourself daily with healthy activities, good nutrition, exercise, proper sleep, intimacy and healthy social interactions, with lots of time for fun, adventure and relaxation. When you fuel and take care of your body properly, you will have optimum energy and vitality which builds upon self-esteem. Self-esteem and self-love go hand in hand, and participating in things you are good at will boost endorphins and bring out the best version of yourself.
  • Set boundaries and protect yourself- identify what is and isn’t good for you and gain the clarity you need to understand what you will, and will not accept in your life. Don’t ever tolerate being treated like a doormat. Bring the right people into your life- who reflects your own self-respect and reputation. Live intentionally with purpose and design.
  • Explore your spirituality- faith is the foundation for self-love. Believing in something opens up your soul to the beauty of belief and trust itself. When you explore your spirituality, it will take you on a journey to learning things about yourself and those new thoughts, feelings, passions and raw emotions will make you appreciate yourself for being authentically you. This will enhance your intuition and help to make decisions based on your gut.


Self-care isn’t selfish. Loving yourself is not being selfish, it is not being possessive. Certain things could be selfish. Just believe in yourself, accept yourself and keep working on yourself.

You can also watch the entire session video here:
Instagram: https://tinyurl.com/ycbd3e47

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